It's My Condition
by This House is Bitchin
Summary: A bundle of oneshots circling around Fitz inbetween seasons one and two, focusing on his struggles with Simmons' departure and his brain damage. LATEST UPDATE: Chapter Two - To Remember Me By
1. Away

**The following is the first in a series of oneshots basing around Fitz in the months between seasons one and two, mainly about his adaptations to his brain damage and struggles with Simmons.**

 **This is a poem written as an internal dialogue Fitz has about Simmons, enjoy. :)**

 **-.-.-**

I know it's hard to understand

The things that I may say;

But you'll be there to help me through,

Unless you go away.

They ask whom I am talking to,

Repeating every day;

I say "it's nothing," but I fear,

This may send you away.

I know you're just inside my mind,

Unlike Skye, Mack, or May;

But still, your help is best of all,

So please, don't go away.

You said you'd left for Mum and Dad,

How long there must you stay?

I'm scared I cannot let you go,

For _real_ you went away.

 **-.-.-**

 **I'd love to hear your feedback on this! Should I do more? I've got some ideas, but I'd love to hear yours :)**

 **(PS: I'll let you know which episode of the season I'm in, so you know what to suggest as you go along!)**

 **I'm still catching up with it all, as of this post I have seen up through Episode 7: Writing on the Wall.**


	2. To Remember Me By

**To Remember Me By**

 _This chapter is inspired by a very feels-filled role play from The Convergence here on the site, and I just had to write this. It's so worth it._

 ** _I don't own the characters here, or else FitzSimmons would be way more canon than it is right now._**

-.-.-

"Oh come on, Fitz," Simmons pleaded, "It's just one picture. You look fine," she said, patting him on the shoulder in a friendly manner.

"It's not that I'm against," Fitz mumbled, shuffling his notes as he stuffed them back into a binder, shoving it all into his pack. "You're always so keen on snapping photos, Jem, we're just having a study session," he said, shrugging a bit as he turned towards the brunette.

The Brit placed her hands on her hips in mock disappointment, "Is it so terrible to want to record simple moments such as this?" She asked, pulling out a digital camera from her own pack, "Then forgive me for enjoying the little moments like this," she said, turning the little device on.

Fitz sighed in defeat, though he gave her a small, meaningful smile. "Fine, fine, I give up. Snap away," he said, shrugging his pack onto his shoulder.

As the student smiled cheerily, the young engineer couldn't help but inhale sharply, hating that such simple things could get him off and about her. He tensed up slightly as she put her arm around him, squeezing him gently to make sure they were both in the picture.

Oh, and he couldn't hold back his tiny gasp as he felt her cheek brush up against his, but gladly, she didn't notice, and soon as that there was another picture of them on her little digital camera.

"Lovely," she breathed with a pleased smile, glancing at him for a moment as she tucked the camera back into her pack, "Now, I believe that's been enough studying, right? It's only applied biochemistry for me, advanced engineering for you. Piece of cake," she said confidently with a sweet smile.

"Yeah," Fitz agreed with a nod, "We've got this."

-.-.-

"Our first year at the academy, already halfway finished," Jemma breathed with a relieved smile, flipping the collar of her jacket up to protect her from the wind. "Now we have three weeks of nothing but time to ourselves," she said with a bright smile.

Fitz chuckled, "Speak for yourself, I've got family to visit," he said, pulling a face of fake worry.

The young biochemist laughed, sending another smile Fitz's way—oh how he wished he didn't have to leave. She was just...perfect. And he couldn't actually put that into words correctly. It's like something was stopping him, something...

"...right?" She finished off, just in time for the poor guy to realize he'd spaced off.

"Earth to Fitz," she said, snapping her fingers jokingly in front of his face, "You'll send pictures, won't you?" She repeated, thankfully for the person in question.

He blinked, "Oh, yeah, of course," he said quickly, nodding vigorously. "Every day."

Jemma smiled kindly, "You'd better, I'm holding that to you," she said with a single nod and a little grin. "Now, before we split, how about another picture?" She asked, whipping out her little digital camera.

Fitz chuckled a bit out the nose, "We won't be seeing each other for weeks, of course," he said, giving a bright smile to the camera lens, taking her hand out of the view screen and squeezing it.

She checked the picture and smiled, "Perfect," she said, before a slight tinge of pink rushed into her cheeks, and she took her other hand back to slip the camera back into her purse. "Well, I, uh, I suppose you've got a plane to catch," she said, glancing at him again.

"Y-yeah," he said with a quick nod, shouldering his pack and pulling the handle on his suitcase. "I'll send the first picture when I land, yeah?" He said, glancing behind him at the taxi that approached.

"You'd better," she said sweetly, pausing a moment before giving him a tight hug, planting a quick kiss on his cheek. "Have fun," she said in a slight squeak, her face flushed as she offered him a final smile.

Fitz was slightly taken aback by that, "I—yeah, I will," he said after a moment of hesitation as he opened the taxi door, giving her a last nod. Dropping into the seat and closing the door, he peeked back a final time, giving a short breath of surprise as a grin spread across his face.

-.-.-

Fitz paused as he approached the door of his friend's dorm room. Should he knock? Should he come back later? Should he just try opening it up? She'd done it with his room before, but he hadn't tried yet with her. Hand just inches from the door, his mouth slightly open as he tried to decide what to do, he looked rather stupid as the door opened right in front of him.

"Fitz?" Jemma said, a curious and confused smile on her face as she opened the door wider. "I was just about to come see you, actually," she said, a flash of a thick white envelope going behind her back.

He shook his head slightly, dislodging the awkward pause he'd had, keeping his other hand behind his back. "Er, well, sorry," he said with a sheepish grin, "Wasn't sure if I should just come in, or if—"

"If you should just knock, yeah," she finished, her smile melting into a softer one as she realized his intentions. "What've you got there...?" She asked, pointing at his own hidden hand.

"What, oh, er...what?" Fitz said innocently—though not very believably—as he tucked the envelope into his back pocket, "Could ask you the same thing," he said, trying to change the subject, disappointed his surprise had been a bit ruined.

Her eyes flashed for a moment with worry, probably because she too wasn't quite ready to formulate a lie of this, "It's...what envelope?" She tried, grinning very suspiciously, "I've no idea what you're talking about." Her eyes darted away, and it was painfully clear her lie.

"On three?" Fitz supplied.

"Yes, that sounds quite right," Simmons sighed, hands still folded behind her back.

He held up a hand, counting up to the allotted number, and with an inhale, they both spoke at the same time,

"I've been assigned."

"What, really?"

"You mean the both of us—"

"That's unbelievable!"

Simmons held up a hand, "Perhaps we should let each other explain," she said, looking at him with a slight chuckle, "We could go on overlapping each other, or we could go one by one."

"Yes, that sounds quite right," Fitz agreed in a similar manner to his friend, "The actual assignment I've had isn't exactly—"

"Been given to you?" Simmons supplied, before grinning sheepishly, "Sorry, force of habit."

"Yeah," Fitz said, shrugging a little. "Guessing yours is the same?"

She nodded, to which Fitz sighed, "I was really hoping to be here a bit longer. I mean, not that the classes are tough or anything, but it's just...you know," he said, hoping he didn't have to finish that one.

"I do," she said with a soft smile, glancing down quickly. "Well, this year was fun, though, right?" She said, biting her lip slightly as she fingered her letter openly now.

"Real fun," Fitz agreed, nodding quickly and shortly. "I, uh, I'll send pictures," he tried, giving her a little grin, to which she shoved him playfully in the arm.

"You'd better, since you forgot half of your holiday trip."

-.-.-

The last day of Fitz's first and only year at the Academy. Possibly the last time he would see Jemma, at least for a while. Lots of things could keep you away from other SHIELD agents, especially in the tougher times.

So needless to say, the day was fairly bittersweet.

Fingering his new SHIELD I.D., the young engineer sat in the main hall of the Academy, both awaiting and dreading the car that was to pick him up. Everything was classified, from his teammates to who was taking him to his new outpost, but that wasn't what was bothering him.

What was really bothering him was that Jemma wasn't here yet. She'd promised to see him off, before she had to prep for a final exam she had—she was being picked up for her assignment at a later date, given her place at her outpost.

He counted the minutes, the seconds, watching the clock tick away towards never seeing this place again, towards leaving any accomplices he'd made, and departing from his one true friend. His fingers drummed on his leg, which itself was bouncing up and down in an anxious manner.

A car pulled up. Oh God, was that his? He wasn't sure he was ready. It certainly wasn't one of the usual SHIELD cars, it looked like a vintage car, and bright red at that. A man in sunglasses stepped out, folding his hands behind his back as he approached him.

"Agent Fitz, I—" he started, but something—or someone else—interrupted.

"Fitz!" A very familiar voice called out, making the one in person wince at the timing. "I'm so glad I caught you before you left, I was so worried I'd missed you. I've got something—" she froze, realizing her not-so-very impeccable timing. "Sir, I am so sorry," she started, now seeking a bit flustered, "I didn't realize—"

"It's quite alright, Agent Simmons," the man said, holding up a hand for her to stop. He took off his sunglasses, smiling at both of them. Fitz could swear there was something knowing in the man's eye as he glanced at the two of them. "I'll only be a moment with him, we've got a few minutes to spare anyways. You can go on ahead after that," he said with a nod to the young biochemist.

She was slightly surprised at who it turned out to be, "O-of course, Sir. Thank you," she said with small, quick nod.

A few minutes of briefing later, Fitz walked back over to his friend, "Great timing you've got, Jem," he said, chuckling sheepishly at her.

"Yes, yes, I've really noticed how amazingly socially awkward I am by now," she responded, rolling her eyes. "I, uh, I hope I'm not holding you back," she said, biting her lip slightly.

He shook his head, "No, no, you're fine. Really," he said, assuring her. "What did you need to say?"

She hesitated, "Well, I can't just not say goodbye to my best friend, can I?" She said, raising a brow, "And, well..." She pulled something from her shoulder bag, "I've got something for you," she said, shoving it into his hands.

He looked down at it, "An album?" He said, raising a brow as his eyes turned back towards her, "Where'd you get all these pictures from?" He asked as he turned the pages.

She smiled, "That was our first lab together, remember?" She said, pointing at a picture near the front, "We barely knew each other, but I had to capture that silly frog accident," she chuckled as she remembered, shaking her head slowly. "And there's us right before winter break, remember?" She added, pointing at another. "This all, it's to remember me by," she said softly.

He smiled, giving her hand a quick squeeze before tucking the album into his own bag, "Thank you. It means a lot," he said with a quick nod, overlooking her sudden reddening of cheeks. "Well," he said, looking over his shoulder, "I guess I've got to get going," he said with a sigh.

She pulled him into a quick hug, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, "Be safe. And good luck," she said, giving him one last smile. "Let me know when you get settled in," she added, taking a step back.

"Yes, Mum," he joked, smiling a little, "I'll...I'll see you. Sometime," he added.

-.-.-

 _"This all, it's to remember me by."_

Fitz turned the page, slowly and a bit shakily because of his blasted hand, looking over the old memories. Two months had gone by since she...since she had left.

He paused on a much more recent picture, one she'd slipped in from their first day on Coulson's team, wishing it could be like that. The two of them, finishing each other's sentences, working against whatever they were fighting.

But it wasn't that way.

She was gone, at least mostly gone, and he...he was different. Very different.

 _"You know, we can add more pictures,"_ she said, and it pained Fitz to remember she wasn't really there.

"I know. But...but it's just that—right now, everything's—and the team, the team's just..." He stopped, biting on his fist as he tried to think of the word, "I can't... I don't think it's...it's..."

 _"You don't think it's the right time,"_ she finished softly, sighing slightly as she put a hand on his shoulder, _"Do what you think is right, but you can't hold onto the past."_

He placed his hand over hers, "You're not saying I should...that because it's in the past...I should—"

 _"Forget me altogether? Heavens, no,"_ she finished kindly, shaking her head, _"But don't let it define what you do now. I'm here, don't worry."_

"You're here," he said, repeating it a few times as he trailed off, still looking at the album, "You're here."

 **-.-.-**

 **I'm not sorry for feels. Nope, not one bit. Not sorry.**

 **Maybe a little.**

 **Be sure to review, I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)**


End file.
